there was once a girl who had a different dream job at every phase in her life. in primary school, she wanted to be a doctor, just like other children her age, without having any reasons behind. she only knew of common profession and randomly pick doctor as her future.
in middle school, she got broader vision; she wanted to be a lawyer. but it quickly changed, she wanted to be a writer — because she loved writing — then an accountant — she couldn’t quite remember why, perhaps just because it sounded like a cool job title.
as she got a little bit older, nearing the end of high school, she began to seriously questioning her future. it was no longer about random dream job. she should choose wisely, and that it would require commitment and resilience.
that was the first time she realize that her future was truly in her hands. she hold the reins of her life. she felt completely unsure and anxious about whether her decision were right or wrong.
but then she chose.
several years have passed, and here she is; working 8-to-5 job in a 20-story building in the city center. her eyes are glued to the screen almost every day. working in various fields but primarily in tech.
if she could tell her younger self about this, she wouldn’t believe it. it’s not the job she ever imagined; she had no idea this type of job even existed back then. she wouldn’t believe that her 25 would be living a life so different from what she once dreamed.
she thought she would’ve do the job she love. or the very least, loving the job she had. but she doesn’t. no matter how hard she tries, the love or the enjoyment never truly blossoms.
at 25, she has already hit the wall. she entered the dark period in her life; morning depression almost every day, full of self-doubt and self- hatred. she never thought about ending her life, but at times, it felt like her life had already ended.
she wouldn’t expect that in some days she cried hard in her room, alone. have no shoulder to cry on because she knows everyone has their own problems.
but she’s growing. she’s still growing.
she learns to accept the life she has now. she understands that she doesn’t have to love the job — she just needs to love the life that the job pays for.
she learns to love herself more, to be gentler and more caring. she knows that her reactions to things shape how they unfold, so she reminds herself to respond positively.
her younger self didn’t know that maturing is not easy. some people mature by 19 or 23 or 30. some girls her age are buying for her children, paying for their household, but in her case, she payed a flight ticket for traveling, buying an overpriced concert ticket to see the idols she loves — and she has no regrets.
when she was younger, she thought 25 is mature enough and would be the age when her life would be settled; a house, a stable job, a loving husband. it turns out that, at 25, her life has just begin.
as she grows, she remains clueless, and that is okay. she hasn’t fully matured yet, and she’s not sure if she ever will — and that is okay too.
life is not a race, after all. in her high school she felt she held the reins of her dear life, and she still does now.
she has a lifetime. what could go wrong?
