some of you might consider being a fan — not a casual listener— of kpop group at the age of 25 as a late and perhaps pathetic. others may see it as a perfectly acceptable. As for me, i’m no one to judge because i’m one of those girlies who have fallen for (in my case) — younger — group boys.
let me share how i found myself immersed in this magical island (TXT concept preferences hehe).
as my old friend know, i’ve always been someone who prefer western pop cultures. my preferences were entirely western-based: movies, books, tv shows, music. for instance, i was a fan of game of thrones, sherlock holmes, peaky blinders, marvels. i used to listen to harry styles, arctic monkeys, the 1975, thirty second to mars, as well as indie artist like phoebe bridgers, seafret, lord huron (i still listen to them tho). my favorite authors and books were all from the west, i barely know asian literature.
the persona i showed to the world was i like western culture (and anime). it’s not that i disliked asian cultures; it’s just that my tastes naturally lead to elsewhere. and i never judge or looked down upon kpop fans. it’s all about taste and preference.
so when i started developing an interest in kpop, it was not some karma for previously self claimed that i would never get into it.
it was just a matter of time. haha.
the first group i watch and listen to was BTS. perhaps it was because one of my friends is head over heels for BTS, and i was more familiar with them. i watched BTS’ variety shows, clips, and listened to their music. and for a while, i thought BTS would be my first and last stop.
but it wasn’t. my curiosity towards them only lasted about 3–4 months. after all, being a fan of music group always come back to their core: the music itself. how can you love a group if you don’t love their music, right? and apparently, BTS’ music just wasn’t my taste of music that i willing to listen on and on.
as i explored more about kpop music, i began to discover what kind of music i actually liked. and it is not far from what i used to listen to (i like korean bands!). one day, listened to many “this is xxxxx” playlist on spotify. i skipped some songs and groups because i simply didn’t really enjoy it. there wasn’t a group i really liked or felt a connection with until i stumbled upon “This is Tomorrow x Together” playlist. the more i listened to their songs, the more curious i become, wanting to hear more.
and that’s how it all started. TXT doesn’t really receive much attention in Indonesia, i recognize that. there’s minimal media that blow them up. but i genuinely enjoy their music. it’s diverse, not “noisy” (no offense, it’s just preferences), and doesn’t sound like typical kpop boy group music to my ears. and since i’m more of a music-listener than a lyrics-listener, i truly like their music colour. i don’t really care much about the meaning of the lyrics (even though as time passes, i realize their lyrics are brutal sadness); as long as the song feels good, it goes to my playlist.
TXT has these bright, uplifting songs that boost my mood and make me want to sing along.
as i dig deeper into kpop and TXT, i started to understand why kpop fans are a different breed, hahaa. i mean, i get why they love their idols so much; because kpop industry doesn’t just provide music, it offers heartfelt entertainment. it gives us a sense of belonging to the idols. they provide content showing the idols’ lives, so the more we listen and watch, the better we feel know them. there’s connections between us. the attachement grows, like with mutual best friends.
and TXT arrived at the right time — like a savior, you could say. i hadn’t been in the right mind for quite some time, and then TXT came. since then, somehow, my days become brighter. it’s not per se because of them, i know, i can’t take it for granted for the people who helped along the way, but i can proudly say that they have positive impact. my heart feels lighter.
i usued to act all tough behaviors. bold. i thought that i have to be the person that can be leaned on. in my highschool and college era, i felt like i was hard-hearted, cold, and distant. perhaps i still have that at times, but since i met TXT, my heart has softened a bit, and i love more. im comfortable expressing love in ways i never naturally developed before. i learn finding simple happiness in everyday moments. even i started to love bright colours!
however, one thing that concerns me about being a fan is the possibility becoming dependent on them for my happiness, using them as my escape place. because it’s slowly starting to feel that way. so when i feel it was too much, i step back and take some space for a while; maintaining the feeling to be not too abundant and full.
and the realization leads me to see out something or someone else in real life who can make me twice happier.
perhaps it is the answer why i have to find my ultimate lifetime companion, isn’t it? haha.
well, in the end, this is reality; life goes on and we will meet new people and experience along the way. until then, i’m grateful for the people and things i have encountered on this journey.
this kpop phase will pass eventually.
just, be happy.
